I t must almost be winter because I’m having darker thoughts.

… could I ever be a… killer… a cold-blooded killer?

Could I? Could you?

Of course not… unless…

UNLESS is always the exception…

What about a passion kill? Or how about a suffering, terminally-ill relative? Nothing comes across as cold about these. These sound like warm- or hot-blooded kills to me…

Prisons are chock-a-block full of poor buggered guys (and gals too) who wish they could take back THAT moment when their world spun out of control and they did something horrific.

We have the 10 Commandments in the Christian religion to guide us towards a righteous and principled life… a set of moral rules … but… if we’re so noble and incorruptible, why…

… do churches have special places where you slip into a dark booth and whisper through a peep hole about WHY you DIDN’T follow God’s guidelines. It’s all pretty clear.

It’s because we’re fallible Charlie.

Humans are human… which is why the word human is both a noun AND an adjective.

But, if I WAS going to kill someone, who would it be and how would I do it? (I’ll give you a little example later)

I came across a website that stated the following as the 10 most common causes we might kill someone:

Mercy killing

Road discipline

Greed

Anger

Self-defense

Religion arguments

Alcohol and drugs

Revenge

Money

Domestic reasons

I’ve looked at each of these groups, and after some deep reflection, decided that I might qualify as a “killer” for 2 of the categories: Mercy killing and Self-Defense. In my personal moral code, I could justify taking a life under these circumstances.

Of course these are the ones where I might realistically pull a trigger, brandish a knife, or slip a pill… Commandment or moral code notwithstanding.

I’m guessing that most of you would likely fall into the same quandary box as me.

But, my inbred tendency to anger sometimes would, at the very least, have my mind running through the idea, the notion, of taking a life for far less compassionate reasons eg. road rage, revenge.

Honestly, there are times when I scare even myself with the depth of my anger and hostility. I know it’s not rational or warranted, but still… there it is. I see red, I feel a fire burning, and want to bludgeon.

The good news here is that evolution, and societal pressures and norms, have carried me far enough along the lines of civility and peacefulness where self-control and rational thought and compassion would not allow such a thing to happen. These types of killings are outside my range of morality, thank goodness.

Here’s that example I promised earlier:

Years ago, I would joke around with a few of my work colleagues in the lab about killing our boss. We mapped it all out and picked the place to bury his body in a nearby swamp for rapid decomposition.

We unanimously agreed he was a jerk and in making our working days miserable, justified a ignominious ending submerged face-down in a murky mud bog. Sounds pretty reasonable, yes?

OK, I know… we had probably read too many Agatha Christie novels or watched excessive TV and movie murder shows that filled our heads with insane, scandalous ideas.

Our anger needed a “healthier” outlet and we found it thankfully through talk (threat) therapy alone! No action required.

So, I’ve looked deep inside myself – I’m not a cold-blooded killer… but I have come to the conclusion that I could … reluctantly… potentially… be a warm-blooded one.

Time to “kill” these dark thoughts… breathe deeply… hum a big Ommmmmmm… and rid myself of this inner darkness. I hope. Namaste!