
I t must almost be winter because I’m having darker thoughts.
… could I ever be a… killer… a cold-blooded killer?
Could I? Could you?
Of course not… unless…
UNLESS is always the exception…
What about a passion kill? Or how about a suffering, terminally-ill relative? Nothing comes across as cold about these. These sound like warm- or hot-blooded kills to me…
Prisons are chock-a-block full of poor buggered guys (and gals too) who wish they could take back THAT moment when their world spun out of control and they did something horrific.
We have the 10 Commandments in the Christian religion to guide us towards a righteous and principled life… a set of moral rules … but… if we’re so noble and incorruptible, why…
… do churches have special places where you slip into a dark booth and whisper through a peep hole about WHY you DIDN’T follow God’s guidelines. It’s all pretty clear.
It’s because we’re fallible Charlie.

Humans are human… which is why the word human is both a noun AND an adjective.
But, if I WAS going to kill someone, who would it be and how would I do it? (I’ll give you a little example later)
I came across a website that stated the following as the 10 most common causes we might kill someone:
Mercy killing
Road discipline
Greed
Anger
Self-defense
Religion arguments
Alcohol and drugs
Revenge
Money
Domestic reasons
I’ve looked at each of these groups, and after some deep reflection, decided that I might qualify as a “killer” for 2 of the categories: Mercy killing and Self-Defense. In my personal moral code, I could justify taking a life under these circumstances.
Of course these are the ones where I might realistically pull a trigger, brandish a knife, or slip a pill… Commandment or moral code notwithstanding.
I’m guessing that most of you would likely fall into the same quandary box as me.
But, my inbred tendency to anger sometimes would, at the very least, have my mind running through the idea, the notion, of taking a life for far less compassionate reasons eg. road rage, revenge.
Honestly, there are times when I scare even myself with the depth of my anger and hostility. I know it’s not rational or warranted, but still… there it is. I see red, I feel a fire burning, and want to bludgeon.

The good news here is that evolution, and societal pressures and norms, have carried me far enough along the lines of civility and peacefulness where self-control and rational thought and compassion would not allow such a thing to happen. These types of killings are outside my range of morality, thank goodness.
Here’s that example I promised earlier:
Years ago, I would joke around with a few of my work colleagues in the lab about killing our boss. We mapped it all out and picked the place to bury his body in a nearby swamp for rapid decomposition.
We unanimously agreed he was a jerk and in making our working days miserable, justified a ignominious ending submerged face-down in a murky mud bog. Sounds pretty reasonable, yes?
OK, I know… we had probably read too many Agatha Christie novels or watched excessive TV and movie murder shows that filled our heads with insane, scandalous ideas.
Our anger needed a “healthier” outlet and we found it thankfully through talk (threat) therapy alone! No action required.
So, I’ve looked deep inside myself – I’m not a cold-blooded killer… but I have come to the conclusion that I could … reluctantly… potentially… be a warm-blooded one.
Time to “kill” these dark thoughts… breathe deeply… hum a big Ommmmmmm… and rid myself of this inner darkness. I hope. Namaste!

Nov 10, 2021 @ 06:35:24
Interesting blog Larry!
While I have never experienced any desire to take another person’s life I can certainly appreciate where you are coming from re: mercy killing and self-defense.
I certainly would not want to see my loved one suffer if terminally ill. Thankfully I live in Oregon…a medically progressive state when it comes to death with dignity…so I wouldn’t have to take such matters into my own hands…like Starbucks, there’s a Dr. Kevorkian on every corner in our area…😁…euthanasia is more than your senior class trip to China or Japan (youth in Asia….was what I thought it was when I 1st heard the term as a 12-13 yo lad).
I’m just happy you didn’t have those thoughts of me during our Yellowknife days….or did you??? Hmmm….I often wondered why you kept asking me to lay under car wheels so you could photograph me sprawled out on the pavement….😁 What was REALLY going through your mind in those moments? 😆
Peace
Jim
Nov 11, 2021 @ 19:17:20
HAHA!! None of those thoughts EVER for you my friend! If push came to shove, I can’t honestly say how I would deal with a “Youth-in-Asia” scenario… so much of life is discovering who we REALLY are and what we are capable of when we encounter difficult and tragic moments.
Now, about those under-auto photos?… I think it’s akin to the Vegas slogan… “What happened in Yellowknife, (should) stay under ice in Yellowknife!”. I plead temporary insanity! 😉
PS Your future career could lie in a StarVorkian clinic for drive-thru demises…. 😮