To: Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Richard Branson.

Billionaires to the Stars Head Office.

Rocketship Central.


Dear Sirs:

Please refund my $10 million dollar deposit forthwith as I am officially withdrawing my application for the All-Inclusive Rocketshot Excursion to Mars.

Upon return of said deposit, I’ll immediately FedEx back the supercool spacesuit you sent. I’ve had it dry-cleaned, and also sewed a small tear in the armpit (hardly noticeable).

Why you ask… after months of intense training and sacrifice and expense… why now?

It’s simple and I’ll tell you why.

I’m willing to play my guitar and sing songs about Major Tom while 140 million miles away from earth.

I’m happy to float like a butterfly from chamber to chamber of your Roman-Candle-to-Mars.

I’m even… yes, I’m even willing to eat potatoes grown in my own poop…

but here’s where I’ve reached the end of my tether…. get it, tether, like spacewalk tether? Forget it.

You want me to – have I got this right? make bricks from my blood? Bloody hell… surely this is FAKE NEWS, or maybe just some “truthiness”, yes?

Sadly, I gather not. I guess reality really is stranger than fiction.

These bricks even have a name?


3D-printed brick made from human blood.

Really? REALLY?

I’m truly a giving kind of guy. Altruism could be my middle name.

I’ll happily give a pint of my lifeblood to keep an unfortunate victim alive after a car accident, or a major OR bleed, or even a haemophiliac crisis, but…

I don’t care that scientists at The University of Manchester have developed a concrete-like material made from mixing extra-terrestrial dust along with the blood, sweat and tears of astronauts.

I don’t care that their study, published this week inΒ Materials Today Bio, suggests that albumin, a protein from human blood, combined with urea, a compound from urine, sweat or tears, could glue together Mars soil to produce a material stronger than ordinary concrete, perfectly suited for construction work in extra-terrestrial environments.

I don’t care that it saves you bucks because it costs an exorbitant $1 million to transport a single conventional brick from our planet to Mars.

I really don’t care that over 500 kg of high-strength AstroCrete could be produced over the course of a two-year mission on the surface of Mars by a crew of six astronauts.

And yup, I don’t care one tiny erythrocyte that each crew member could conceivably produce enough AstroCrete to expand the habitat to support an additional crew member, doubling the housing available with each successive mission.

This was NOT included in the fine print of the contract I signed for this Vacuous Vacation of the Millennium.

I think technological innovation is getting too carried away, because all of these things that looked like science-fiction in my boyhood (did the Jetson’s ever make a blood brick?) are becoming science NON-fiction!

And also, a small point pulled from my personal rudimentary-science background. Please set me right if I’m wrong Elon. I’m not the brightest astrophysicist in the cosmos.

Matter can’t be created or destroyed, isn’t that correct?

My blood liquid volume consists mainly of good ole H2O, right?

Sooooooo…. if we don’t find a source of water on Mars, each brick produced – Γ  la ME – to make this wonderful new condo unit is gonna suck me dry like the prune I’m already becoming in my latter years. Oil of Olay won’t solve THAT problem, Jeffy!

OK, rant over. I’ve had my say gentlemen.

I’m out. I wish you the very best of success in your Sanguineous Scheme… your Bloody Blocks… your Corpuscular Cravings.

For the time being, for all its troubles and faults, I’m just gonna stick it out here on Earth and keep my blood locked inside this vessel I call my body.

May All Your Fluids Be Vital… Larry