HURRICANE Larry… Seriously?

Yup, the big nasty blow striking the Canadian province of Newfoundland this very weekend is called LARRY.

I’ve never LOVED my name… I’ve even almost hated my name at times…

… but today, it’s like Larry has become a sad cartoon’ish character chosen as the nom de plume for anyone too embarrassed to use their real name, or a buffoon *OMG, maybe I AM well-named!*

While life gives us plenty of choices, realistically, the name we run around with and answer to every day is ONE huge decision where we have no real choice, regardless if you’re a democracy-devotee or a commie-lover.

To be named is the very first life decision after we pop out. It’s made on our behalf and we aren’t included in the discussion (hmmm… seems circumcision came in here too!)

Sometimes I wonder how many children born into this world were NOT called Larry because one (or both) of their parents said, “we can’t call him that, I knew this Larry (“me”) once, and he was a jerk-off, absolutely no child of mine will be called Larry!“.

Have you ever thought that maybe… maybe… you were given your name because it was the only one that your parents could finally agree upon that didn’t have a rotten smell associated with it? YOU may have been a big post-coital compromise…

Frankly (Frank, there’s a good name!), some names are just better than others…

Some good ole WASP male names that command respect? Grant, Atticus, Gregory, Arthur, James, Charles, William, and even, finally… Lawrence.

Lawrence is my REAL given name. Larry is usually a shortened version of Lawrence or something spelled similarly like Laurence. Hail Lawrence.

Lawrence has heft and dignity and commands respect… think Lawrence of Arabia (T.E. Lawrence), Lawrence Welk, Laurence Fishburne, Laurence Olivier, Lawrence Gowan, would you believe Yogi Berra’s real first name was Lawrence?

Larry and Lawrence are names of the past.

You would be hard-pressed to find a child born in the last 30 years, named Larry at birth. Can you think of even one?

And yet… right now, on any typical week in the past few years while watching TV, a movie, listening to an advertisement on radio… you could easily believe that Larry is the most common male name in the English-speaking world.

But, sadly, Larry is rarely, if ever, associated with a character with “character” or dignity like the ones I mention above. Nope. Like Rodney Dangerfield, I Don’t Get No Respect.

C’mon Larry, that’s an exaggeration, why so sensitive?

Fine… here are just a few samples:

Larry the Cable Guy

Larry the Cucumber (Veggie Tales)

“I’m Larry and this is my brother Darryl and my other brother Darryl” (Newhart TV show)

The Zebra TV commerical (insurance) – Larry, Serial cat-rescuer.

Robbert the Burglar in SimpliSafe home security ad… admonishing another burglar, Larry the Loser “you’re losing your touch Larry

Crash Test Dummies (Vince and LARRY) commercial…

The Three Stooges (Larry, Curly & Moe)

A few other Larry’s?

Larry Flynt (Hustler Magazine), Larry Nassar (Women’s gymnastic team sex offender), Larry Linville (Major Frank Burns on TV’s MASH), Larry Quinn (Cat In The Hat character), Larry & Steve (animated characters).

After all of this, it’s just piling on to add a hurricane to my Larry list of indignities…

But, to find a silver lining in this sad story, I suppose I should take contented solace knowing that we didn’t end up with a Larry Hitler, Larry bin Laden, or Larry Trump (close, we do have a Lara Trump).

The next time you hear my name used in vain on TV or in a movie, know that I’ll be here… to just take a deep breath, smile, and accept… again… another 15 minutes of infamy!