Do you ever wonder who that person inside you is that calls him/her/themself YOU?

The wonder seems surreal… maybe dream-like… or perhaps even an ephemeral but distant memory.

Surreal and real are mirror images if we summon the courage and boldness to make them so. Today I feel this even more deeply with the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I’ll miss her immense courage, her intelligence, her boldness…

A life with a rich garden of special treasured moments, I believe, takes a willingness to harness the BOLD when you would so much rather run in the opposite direction.

I’m a self-professed introvert… OK, maybe I cross the line a bit, so let’s call me an ambivert (anything but a pervert!)

I was not a bold person in my youth, and honestly, I’m not overtly a bold person now. But I’m surely bolder today than I once was. You can be too.

I’ve known a few fearlessly confident types, and I don’t pretend that I’m one of them. I lean towards equating boldness with extroversion. A small life lesson: it doesn’t have to be.

Hell, I remember sobbing in the aisles of Towers department store when I was 4 or 5 years old when I lost sight of my Mommy. It’s likely that we reunited in less than 2 minutes, but I was a nervous child.

I loved reading and the idea of adventure, a voyage… it’s wired into the construct of what it means to be human. To live vicariously through the eyes of others is entertaining and enjoyable but it doesn’t linger and tingle in the same way as personal experience.

I didn’t believe I was daring enough to set out on my own adventure, but I was pretty sure I wanted to experience it all the same. I just wasn’t convinced it was in me to make it happen.

Fast forward to today and I’ve done some bold *cough cough some might say foolish/crazy* things; this hubris allows me to close my eyes and visualize myself in the mirror wearing a “mini” cape.

Looking back, it’s a mere two seemingly small steps I took in one short period of time of my early adulthood that freed up the inner BOLD guy inside me, giving me the confidence to push ahead despite fear.

Yes, they were infinitesimally small steps in mankind’s history of courage, but they taught me the lesson that many small fears overcome are the path to larger, bolder ones.

What were these steps?

1. September 1977 – roaming around the small apartment I shared in downtown Hamilton with my sister, preparing to head off for a job interview for my first professional position as a lab technologist. The job: Immunohematology (simply put: Blood Banker) technologist at the hospital where I had recently finished my internship year to qualify as a “tech”. I showered and dressed for the interview for a job I really didn’t relish, but one that stroked my young male ego and offered stability and security. If offered the position, I knew it was the easy choice and I would be on my way in life and adulthood.

Then the phone rang: Hello? “Larry Green?” Yes it is. “This is ____ at the hospital laboratory in Yellowknife, Northwest Territories. We have an unexpected opening for a technologist and wondered if you’d be interested in the position?” (Voice in my head: you sent me a letter just 2 weeks ago saying there were no jobs available). Ummm, I’m interested but need some time to think about this. “OK, but could you let us know of your decision in the next day or two?” Yes, I can do that. Thank you for your call.

The voltage in my heart skyrocketed like a defibrillator with this unexpected offer. Yellowknife… 4900 km. away and located in the cold, dark Arctic. Land of Inuit and Igloos. I figured I was crazy… but… I’ll let you guess which choice I made that day with 2 very different job offers burning in my head?

(Aside: when I prepared to venture off to Yellowknife for the job, I was told to book a flight with PWA (Pacific Western Airlines). This naive/ignorant eastern Canadian lad had never heard of PWA and thought I was told to book with TWA (TransWorld Air). I phoned TWA to book my flight and the operator there said not only did they not have any scheduled flights to “Yellowknife”, but she had never even heard of the place! At this juncture, I envisioned a dog-sled trip to my new northern posting…)

2. Not long after stepping over the fear of the unknown and flying off into the Great White North to work in a small Arctic hospital, I had an unexpected message from a high school friend, Richard. Was I interested in flying off on a backpacking trip through Europe?

Three months of daily travel and adventure? Hostels and train trips? Eiffel Tower and Checkpoint Charlie? Hell… that sounds scary I heard the voice in my head saying. A hundred decisions to make every day of where to go, where to stay, which alleys to avoid, which foods to eat.

My head filled with frightening scenarios of strange people speaking to me in a dozen different languages when I knew only English and a modest amount of French. My comfort zone +1,000. I went over the “on one hand” and “on the other hand” debates in my mind… before swallowing hard and saying … YES! Three incredible months followed.

But… more than the excitement and adventure and the inner fears… those two hugely small decisions launched me on a life journey that showed me the strength I hadn’t known existed inside me.

Somehow I found a way to step over the often paralyzing dread. I now knew that fear was to be respected and accepted, but not a home of prison bars and roadblocks.

I’ve stepped over the unease a hundred times since and it always gives me the knot in my stomach, the race in my heart.

Each step forward can build on the one before.

Here’s a fairly recent example. A few years back, playing my guitar and singing other peoples’ songs on stage was a giant obstacle. Today, I still feel the nerve-racking butterflies as I climb the stairs to the stage and see the audience faces before me… and then launch into playing my very own songs. Despite the initial fear.

And to be perfectly honest, I’ve stepped back occasionally because in the moment – feeling almost like when I cried with separation anxiety as a child – I lacked the mental strength to go forward… absolutely… but…

… most times, I recognize that I’ve been to this cliff-edge before and made the step over fear… and…

… COWABUNGA!

R.I.P. Ruth Bader Ginsburg – your wisdom will be sorely missed.