Cocksox

The male equivalent of the “push-up bra”? I only hope there are no underwires … OWEE!

I hear your muffled whispers,

I’m not reading any more of these boring MAN ON THE FRINGE posts until he gets back to discussing the stuff that really happens in the back recesses of my mind.”

True, it’s been awhile since I waded into the wonderful word of sex-related material.

And that’s what I’m here for. Anyone can expound on the banal, everyday subjects that fill our TV and newspaper worlds.

I’m only blogging successfully if I can vomit up the stuff that many of us are thinking about, but so often don’t wrap our tongues around in polite conversation.

And more often than not, those hidden mind-gems revolve around the time we spend un- or barely-clothed and in the passionate, perfumed grasp of someone (for couples) or something (for my unattached brethren).

Otherwise, why read my trifling words, right? Let’s move forward …

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On an evening such as this
It’s hard to tell if I exist
If I packed a car and leave this town
Who’ll notice that I’m not around?
I could hide out under there
I just made you say ‘underwear”

Pinch Me  Barenaked Ladies

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Depending on whose statistics you believe, men think about sex 10,000 times per minute and women think about sex once each decade, and then only because they’ve been accidentally directed to a porn site while doing a GOOGLE search on “fleece stretch pants”.

So, it’s no surprise that – as a man – I have a slew of bawdy thoughts coursing through my head at any given moment.

Which brings me to the subject of underwear – yes, men’s underwear.

It’s an underappreciated, under-discussed, and under-explored field of understudy.

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Definition … UNDERWEAR:

The only thing separating two people from a good time.

………………………………………………

Strictly speaking, undergarments are subjects of daily practical consideration – but, can we be honest? Lurking beneath the unmentionable’s surface, the forceful ripples of sex and sensuality are always clinging tenaciously to our subconcious.

The western world is chock-a-block packed with references and allusions to sex whenever we broach underwear as a topic. Victoria’s Secret, La Vie en Rose, La Senza, Glamorose, millions of porn websites of every, and I mean EVERY, description – they all attest to our deepest, lurid ponderings.

Much that goes on in the underwear world is not about cotton comfort, it’s about the idea, the fantasy.

It’s not shameful at all, and yet we blush inwardly when we admit our lusty thoughts.

………………………………………………

 “I unzipped my dress and let it fall to the floor.

Then I got on top of him and he had an underweargasm.”

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Here are just a few of my takes on the masculine side of the underwear ledger:

  • Isn’t it finally time that men jettisoned the “wife beaters” and holey old baggy boxers for some fashion-forward items that will quicken the breath of their patient, panting partners?  Men usually wear the staid, old, meat minus potatoes style of undergarment that rarely stirs the erotic pot. It’s like some sort of pauper’s underwear – men will wear this for an indefinite period of time until the garment vaporizes.
  • Men have come a long way from the “tighty-whitey” era baby, but still have some major catching up to do. Women have stood for their own rights for a generation or more now – they’ve rightfully clamoured for respect and equality, while holding firmly to their sensual side. It’s time that women – like men –  took a more forceful stand on the male gonch side of the ledger. Why should men have all the fun in their insistence on “come hither” lingerie for their partners?
  • Can we dispense with the child-like term “panties”? It sounds like a word used for infants. Any time I hear the word “pantie” slipping off my tongue (oooo that sounds dirty), I look around for police officers ready to instantly cuff me for my obvious pedophilic tendencies and clearly child abusive ways. Let’s search out and use “big girl” words for what covers the bottom of girly curves like:

lingerie, briefs, CoverGirl, undies, drawers, unmentionables, undergarments, vulvacover, jockeys, underpants, shorts, Mom-don, intimates, smallclothes, knickers, bloomers, smalls, Great Wall of Vagina, petticoat, pettie, roll-on, g-string, thong. (please feel free to submit your favourites!)

  • Women have bra cup sizes measured in A, B, C, DD etc. Does anyone truly believe that mens’ manly parts all come in identical proportions such that one size fits all? Come on!  We boys should realistically have our own measurement system. I propose a few magnitude-related terms that would separate the “men” from the “boys”. Try these on for size: Tiny Tim, Mighty Mite, Junior, Big Mac, Quarter Pounder, Whopper. Of course, no man I know would ever browse through the A or Junior size. Every man knows that HE starts at the Big Mac size. But studies suggest that women do most of the skivvies shopping for their men, so practical female shoppers would avoid much of the masculine rosy blush when selecting from the little boys’ section.men's cup size

 

I personally wear a pair of SAXX, a local Okanagan Valley-made underwear. It’s not exactly Victor’s Secret stuff, but it is a “sexxier” cut above most Hanes and Stanfield varietals. It even has a small “labia-like” set of mesh panels to lift and separate my boys from the rest of the package. It’s a great little hammock to rest my weary stones.

SAXX

My Sexy Saxx ….they should be sized as Alto, Tenor and Baritone Saxxes… 2 Baritones for me, please!

It gives me a warm feeling to send you away with some useful information to make your life a better place in which to live.

Today, I’ll assist your retail-therapy leanings by providing a few places to get down under and do your Mens’ memberwear shopping.

These should take you through slippery satins, to studly camo, to barely-there Brazilian styles and so so much more … or perhaps … less!

You’re welcome…

http://rounderwear.com/brands/rounderbum.html

http://www.hisroom.com

http://www.hommemystere.com

http://www.malepower.com/default.aspx?pageid=1

Envyunderwear

 

 

 
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