Catch the Oscars this past weekend? I was watching and absorbing the fascination of our culture with celebrity and pageantry and beauty.
AND Boobs…
Such a Brouhaha!
Much like a high school prom, a Horde of Hollywood Honeys assembled and preened on the red carpet prior to the ceremony. We were given a dazzling display of their fine physical wares including a good deal more than cleavage, all of which complemented the apparent theme of this year’s Oscars…BOOBS!
We have Seth MacFarlane to thank for shining our collective consciousness on breasts. Honestly Seth, you have a great smile, but I don’t really get off on your style or sense of humour. But let’s be clear kids… he was just noticing something that we all, male or female, observe and gawk at…boobs.
Sorry Heidi Klum, which category were you nominated in?
Truthfully, when the musical number “We Saw Your Boobs” began I kind of chuckled… with just a tinge of annoyance … and male-lust guilt.
A common sinuous thread that runs through moviedom is whether an actress has exposed her breasts in a film. It’s like a Bar Mitzvah- you haven’t reached womanhood in Hollywood until we’ve admired your nipples. Seriously though, some moviemaking requires skin exposure to develop a story more fully. Many actresses agonize over this decision to bare it all, and hopefully we receive it in a respectful way.
Western culture is absolutely obsessed by mammaries and yet we have a love-hate relationship with the idea of putting them on view.It’s a contradictory conundrum. Women appear to want them to be noticed and admired when out on the red carpet, and yet get offended when we do notice and comment on them. There’s no hiding place (especially for men) when you’re screwed if you do and really screwed if you don’t.
Despite my early tee hee, I was initially a bit indignant with the song routine about womens’ breasts…it felt like it was lowering the dignity of the Academy Awards. And it was…but come to think of it, Billy Crystal and Bob Hope and the myriad of the other (mainly male) hosts through the years have made denigrating and crass jokes to mixed reviews. Is this year any different?
And of course, America is the worst offender when it comes to outlandish broadcasting choices.
The U.S. allows just about any degree of violence or drawn out blood-purging death scenes imaginable, but show a boob or say “shit”, and you are fucked. Break a guy’s arm or leg in the Super Bowl and everything is A-OK, but parade a nipple accidentally and kiss your broadcast licence goodbye.
Sexuality and beauty are wonderfully enriching aspects of the human experience that should be celebrated, so long as intellect and sensitivity come hand-in-hand too. And yet we act all outraged when scenes or acts of love and sensuality are portrayed.
So what is my deep-rooted issue in all of this?
My indignation stems from a sense of MALE EXCLUSION.
Just what’s SO wrong with the male penis that prohibits ITS exposure on our movie and TV screens (but not our computer terminals!). Breasts get all the press as if men have no taboo parts to be shown. I’ll grant you that the personable penis is not the most esthetically pleasing piece of human anatomy ever evolved, but I see lots of less attractive items on TV, like Steven Tyler, or Dog the Bounty Hunter. No censor has had the balls to scrub those scenes from my set.
I never get to feel like my penis is being celebrated in serious cinema. It makes me feel less of a man when I don’t feel the love that breasts are afforded in tinseltown. It’s outright discrimination.
I look ahead to the day when sober and thoughtful male actors like George and Brad stroll the red carpet with their penis’s and testicles wrapped and adorned in luxurious fabrics with just a hint of forbidden skin showing. The rapacious interviewers will seriously query them about who their “Johnson” designers are.
And I am so looking forward to next year’s Oscars already (I’m just like William Shatner, I can see next year’s headlines). Tina Fey and Amy Poehler will do a song and dance routine about viewing mens’ testicles to the tune of “Do Your Ears Hang Low“.
This equality stuff just feels so good.
“To breasts and testes in 2014”
Feb 26, 2013 @ 16:37:24
Right on Larry!!! Way to lay the wedding tackle issue on the red carpet for all to see. As I was reading the blog I sensed you would end up at the twig n’ berries conundrum……..just seems as though it is still taboo to bare the male “all” yet we sure do get an eye full of te female anatomy………frankly I agree with you that it is simply a more attractive looking body…….but of course I guess it all depends on what lystful vantage one looks at it.
Peace
Jim
Feb 27, 2013 @ 08:51:09
Thanks for weighing in Jim…and I am definitely going to steal your “twig n’ berries” expression in the future. It’s always nice to come across a great symbolic substitution for the “nuts and bolts” 😉
Feb 26, 2013 @ 18:58:37
I was appalled that Seth would stoop so low. I thought the whole boob thing was childish and distasteful for a special event. Many of these people were there to celebrate hours, weeks and months of hard work. This was not the time or place to be making silly jokes about male or female anatomy. Grow up, Seth!
Feb 27, 2013 @ 09:00:12
POOR Seth… he only read half of the memo from the execs at the TV network who were wanting a greater appeal to the 18-34 age demographic. He stuck to his cooking and made a great presentation to the 18-34 MALES who love Judd Apatow gross-out movies, and his own “Family Guy”. But the execs wanted the 18-34 FEMALE demographic that enjoy a classier, more dignified Oscars and that the advertisers love. He was doing what he does best, he just wasn’t the right fit for this occasion. You’re right, moviemaking is a huge commitment by many many talented people, both in front of and behind the cameras. Thanks a lot Betty…