No one heard it, but I screamed inside.

.

I lost $25,000 in a minute the day the FBI invaded the corporate offices of YBM Magnex. Evaporated…lost like a whisper in a hurricane (think “Sandy”).

My sex drive went down the sewer with the money! There would be NO Viagra resurrection!

For months I had done my homework and learned everything I could about the publicly-traded company. It used rare earth minerals to produce small magnets used in all sorts of electronic devices. Its sales and profits were skyrocketing. Its share price on the Toronto Stock Exchange was at a bargain price. It was a no-brainer for someone (like me) who knew what they were doing.

Sure, there were some speculative rumours in the press about possible shady dealings; the company brought in outside inspectors and internationally-respected auditing firms to review and inspect their operations. The outside experts put on their visors and pored over the books and then put on hard hats and toured YBM factories in eastern European cities.

CLEAN AS A WHISTLE”

they all said.

BUY BUY BUY”

I said!

And just a few days or weeks later, the FBI burst into their offices and closed down a big Russian money-laundering operation that was the real basis for the company and its success. I had done my homework, and still I kissed my sweet money goodbye. The company, the inspectors, and all of the auditors had kicked my ass. OUCH!

Easy come…easy go…it’s JUST money…

I’ve been a stock market investor for many years. Long gone for me are the days of “hot tips” from friends who know a friend of a cousin whose barber cut the hair of the CEO of something like “Kid Napping Centres“, a hot new daycare operation that would make quadrillions.

One day I would double my money, only to lose it all the following week on another  icy-cold-“hot tip”, another daycare business called…hmmm… let’s call it…”Touching Moments“! Hot tips are like hot flashes…a dark foreboding sign of what you’re about to lose…or, maybe celebrate??

So now, I love spending hours of time reading research and annual reports of possible companies of which I might want to buy a teensy-tiny piece. I read them cover to cover. When I invest, I want to know the ins-and-outs of the business and how and why it makes money… especially how the money it makes will end up in MY pocket. Balance Sheets with little or no debt and robust Cash Flow statements make my blood sing and dance through my arteries with harmonious, happy hemoglobin…! Warren Buffett and Kevin O’Leary would be mighty proud of the digging I do before hitting the BUY button.

Buying shares in good companies that make great products and services, and also make money for their investors is said to increase the libido of the investor. Those graphs they show you with the arrows pointing upwards…that is SO phallic! A contented, affluent capitalist with bucks bursting out of their Armani pockets or Gucci purse, is a lustful, turned-on muchacho(a). Even if they have hair like Donald Trump.

It only makes sense. When we’re happy and content, the state of relaxation that comes with it allows the juices to flow that allow the “juices to flow”, right? Money issues are at the root of many many relationship problems, so it only makes sense that a lack of money concerns leads to a less stressful couple…leading to a more relaxed and more frequent “coupling”.

There’s another tiny zone between the “SEX”es for making good investments…

Sure, sex is complicated. As a heterosexual man, believe me, I know this! This bears repeating…sex is complicated…

A lot of factors are a part of the convoluted puzzle that drives our sexual passions. I could wander off in a myriad of directions talking about hormones, and attraction issues, and busy lifestyles, and health issues, yada yada yada.

But for me, and I stress that I’m only speaking for myself here…making a great investing decision and reaping the rewards of a nice gain in a stock I’ve chosen based on my own independent thinking and research, leads to a pretty fair libidinous leap. How else can I say it…It makes me horny!

About 70% of multimillionaires, a group I definitely am NOT a part of — with a mean net worth of a whopping $90 million — say they enjoy better and more adventurous sex, according to a 2007 survey by Prince & Associates Inc., a marketing research firm. Christian Grey of 50 Shades of Grey fictional fame would definitely qualify in this assemblage…do you think he would be the popular BDSM stud he’s become without the mega-bucks behind him? Poor guys can’t get away with this stuff!

I’m gonna guess that for both men and women, a raging flush of testosterone accompanies a rising share price in their stocks or funds…kind of like the feeling you might get when you ace an exam in school, or your country’s team wins the World Cup, or you get a big tax return cheque in the mail. A win is a win, and to the winner go the spoils. The spoils here culminate in the bedroom celebration, or whatever lubricious location strikes your fancy.

I learned a BIG lesson the day that YBM Magnex crashed and burned, other than that financial shrinkage also brings on shrinkage of another variety…even the responsible ADULTS we believe in and trust don’t always know what they’re talking about.

So…what makes YOU happier…sex or money…or neither?

BUT…Do we really have to choose?

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