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I use some written images your Mother might not approve of!

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What colour is YOUR bedroom?

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FINALLY…no need for Viagra or Cialis…shed your grey walls…all you need is a purple room and you’re off to the Coital Cup!

Surely you jest, says you. It’s true, according to British online  retailer Littlewoods.com . Couples who have painted their walls lilac or have purple bedclothes make love on average 3.5 times a week.

Sorry- 3.5?? I want to know if it was the men or women who couldn’t make it all the way to 4! Would I sound biased if I said it must be the women?

Another damn gratuitous photo…but what a fabulous purple futon!

Back to the poll… they surveyed 2,000 adults and found the next most passionate are those with red in their boudoir, who get frisky 3.2 times per week. Those with sky blue bedrooms came third, having it 3.1 times on average a week. Sadly, the least passionate are those with grey walls or duvet covers, who have sex just 1.8 times.

And even more sad still?…It probably won’t surprise you to know that my bedroom is heavily tilted towards the GREY (like 50 Shades of Grey!) spectrum, top to bottom…I’m an underachiever!

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I don’t know either…Do you think we should put the purple sheets on the bed?

Do you really think that the hue of your boudoir or the tint of your sheets affects the quantity (or quality) of lovemaking that occurs in your life?

I DON’T!

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Let’s face it– straight men don’t care about the colour of the walls or the sheets (our gay brethren likely prefer a more aesthetically pleasing palate of tone to stir their juices, and good on them!). In fact, nooky doesn’t require a bedroom or sheets at all for most men. I learned this important lesson when I watched the first Godfather movie. Sonny Corleone (James Caan) does (you know, DOES!!) one of the bridesmaids at his sister’s wedding, right up against the wall…and no, the wall was NOT purple! Sonny was my favourite character in those movies after that scene…

If my own personal preference is any guide, a woman wearing pink or red clothing is a far greater turn-on than any bedroom colours could ever be. There is a fire that is stoked inside me like a bull’s attraction to the cape when I see a fiery red-garbed female nearby. Forget the Devil in the Blue Dress… My Devils come in Red Dresses!

I want to be charitable and constructive here. Let me assist in your Olympian libidinous quest.

Far ahead of any bedroom colours I would put the following 3 tools forward as helpful if I was looking to beef up the carnal frequency:

  • SCENT– they say that men are inflamed by the smell of lavender and pumpkin pie. Maybe, but I personally believe that a woman immersed in chocolate could keep me interested for decades to come. On a female level, some research has shown that the combined scent of cucumber and Good and Plenty, a licorice-flavored candy, ranked as the top potent aphrodisiac smell. Good and Plenty. Was there a subliminal sexual advertising message implied when they named that confection, or what?
  • STAY IN SHAPE – the tactile feel of a fit (not necessarily super buff) body is a natural aphrodisiac between the covers. We all know that running, or swimming, or playing soccer, or even just walking regularly are going to add years to our life and life to our years. Not only is it hot sexy to share a bed with someone in good physical condition, but we feel better about what we bring to the seduction party when we’re fit too! This is great for your fitness, your overall health…add in a teaspoon of sex and it becomes the trifecta of The Joy of Cooking!
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Fit, fun and sexy

  • GET RID OF BAD STRESS- Hans Selye wrote his famous 1974 book called  Stress without Distress detailing both the positive and negative sides of stress. We all need some stress to perform optimally in life. But, pass a certain point…and the stress is … well… stressful. Negative. Harmful. Sex Drive Lethal. No 3-car-garage house you can’t afford, a job you hate, or negative friends, are going to boost your passion and feelings of sensuality. Get out the flame-thrower. Ditch the negative things that are in your power to change (and some things can’t be changed, we just have to accept those).  The hormones you pump out to cope with painful stress can be exchanged for the pleasurable hormones you pump out in the bedroom mosh pit! That is a trade well worth making…

I think The Color Purple was a great Whoopi Goldberg movie. Sad, but great. Colour provides us a metaphor for so many things that explain our lives… “feeling blue”, “the pot calling the kettle black”, “green with envy”. But as far as bedroom colour goes, no purple for this boy. I’d prefer to be rocking the Sacred Cave while watching The RED Shoe Diaries. 

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