Last night I had a dream:

The badminton teams played their hearts out start to finish…the Australian

and Japanese teams flew BOTH their men’s AND women’s teams to the games

in business class…soccer referees had great judgment at critical points in

matches…women could happily pound the s**t out of other women in the

boxing ring…Cock fighting was a huge success…”

.

Business class meal - appetizer

The modest but reasonably tasty repast consumed by the Japanese Men’s Soccer squad and Australian Men’s Basketball team en route to London Olympics

The equally sumptuous spread provided to the corresponding women’s team members…YUM!!

That last one about cock fighting?… you can probably safely ignore…but it was MY dream!

The Olympics are finally over. Life can now return to normal for the many anonymous highly-trained and conditioned athletes who pop up out of the woodwork every 4 years to impress the bejeepers out of me. There are substantial sacrifices that the athletes and their families make to arrive at this level of competition. I tip my hat to their remarkable dedication.

As a Canadian, I’m disappointed that my home country athletes won only 1 Gold medal, and I’m disappointed in myself for feeling this way. I wanted them to win so I could feel like I’d won. I train my feeble little legs and heart out for minor running races and I never ever come close to a winning time.  I can understand some of the torture that goes into achieving a world class standard. Huge physical and mental energy. It hurts, big time!

BOXING…The aspect of this Olympics that truly intrigues me in regards to equality is Boxing. Boxing in general and boxing for women. For the first time, boxing is now an Olympic Womens’ sport. Blood sports are nothing new; we’ve witnessed death struggles in the arena for millennia from Gladiator times to high-tech wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Humankind thrives on battle and the outcome of a victor.

Equality means women never having to say they’re sorry! You Go Girls!

Boxing in today’s world is ludicrous. The Objective? Punch at each others’ faces until blood spurts, eyes glaze, and an opponent is knocked unconscious with a concussion…something like a typical hockey game but played in a tiny square arena with no ice! Olympic boxing is a bit more refined since the athletes wear head protection, but the primary object still remains to knock your opponent senseless.

We heap high praise on a competitor who can render his opponent unconscious on the mat and ignore the potential brain damage that doesn’t materialize until much later. Muhammed Ali didn’t show signs of Parkinson’s disease until years after his career ended. Somewhere around 15 to 20% of boxers develop a syndrome akin to Parkinsons called chronic boxer’s encephalopathy. It usually takes about 15 years or so to materialize. Rock ’em, sock ’em, knock ’em down now…but kill them later…the perfect result!

An NBC boxing analyst was rumoured to say during a network broadcast,

Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.”

So, what to do?

The civilized approach would be to quietly remove the little square arenas and turn out the lights on this so-called sport. Better to let the fighting occur more naturally and spontaneously outside the football fields where London hooligans really know how to fight. But civility lost this fight.

The less-polished and ludicrous way about it is for the IOC  (International Olympic Committee) to EXPAND the sport by declaring it a gender equality issue and put women into the ring. This demonstrates that men aren’t the only ones who know how to create brain injury. After all, up until now women were only allowed to cuss, not concuss. Women have progressed in so many areas of today’s society…THIS is not a step forward.

You’ve Come A Long Way Baby! But Not This Time!

Memo to Jacques Rogge:

In order to make some progress, I have a few suggestions for the IOC to move towards gender equality in the world of sports:

  • Make the burkha the official uniform of both the women’s and men’s beach volleyball teams. Let’s find out if this sport is popular because of the skill involved or the Tits & Ass. I’m a guy…I know why I’m watching girls play in the sand!!
  • Make Rhythmic Gymnastics and Synchronized Swimming both women’s and MEN’S sports. We don’t exclude men from the world of ballet or opera. I want to see macho men with nose plugs and hair gelled high! A man flinging a hoop sky high into the air could be very sexy!
  • It’s time for men to zip circles around the gymnastic uneven bars and do fancy spins and flips on that long 4 inch wide balance beam. We men can thrust our chests out and make delicate ballet-like movements before performing a quadruple flip on a razor-thin chunk of hardwood too. Who says a man looks any less swashbuckling wearing a skin-tight glittery leotard that conforms to his genitals? Just give us a chance Jacques!”

What guy couldn’t do this?

I’m hoping that last night was my final Olympic dream. After tying myself up in sheets with backwards flips, and giving my significant other a nasty eye shiner with a perfectly placed uppercut punch, it’s time to move on.

Perhaps tonight I’ll find myself on some distant planet, riding around on the Curiosity Rover and still attempting to figure out why Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus!

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